the bear
not the tv show.
Coming to you live at 12:11 am, straight home from the bar. Totally sober.,
I spent the evening watching the sunset from a rooftop in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. It was exactly as cool as it sounds - something I find is increasingly rare. There was a DJ playing, and a few friends of mine got together to enjoy the beautiful weather. It was a really nice night.
Reader, I’ve never had a TikTok. I am so painfully out of touch with pop culture at the moment, so a lot of topics and references went right over my head. My only knowledge I can flex is “6’5”, blue eyes, trust fund.”
But one topic is so big it’s even made it to me; and I had such a parallel experience about it at the party in Brooklyn. “Would a woman rather live with a man or a bear?” Much to the shock of many, women came in droves picking the bear. No second thoughts, just: “the bear.”
“Dramatic!”
It’s a fair charge. It is obviously a little dramatic. But I’m going to recall a few events from this party in Williamsburg, then you let me know how dramatic.
We showed up around 7, and what was initially a fast queue, immediately ground to a halt and backed up. People started pretending to be “with them” to cut the lines. But we made it up there in time to enjoy a gorgeous sunset, without the aggressive heat of the early afternoon. My group included 3 women and 4 men.
Reader - immediately upon arrival, my friend was approached (at about 6 inches away from her face, mind you) by a glaze-eyed, sweaty, sunburnt, drooling doofus. He hurled these words at her sloppily: “I have a friend that is perfect for you…” Picture this in sitcom form: she is approached by this melting miscreant, then the camera pans to “the friend”: another drunken doofus drooling in some other girl’s mouth.
About an hour later, after we’ve gotten a drink in ($22 margaritas, by the way. We should criminalize that.) we’re all now floating comfortably, enjoying the buzz. We’d formed a circle and were chatting back and forth about everything and nothing. All of a sudden, a man rips directly through our small circle, and stops in the center, facing me.
….
…. ?
He didn’t say a word. He just stared into my eyes. I shuffled closer to my friend to give him a clear path out the way. He just….stared. After about 15 - 20 seconds, he just walked off. Most people have an experience of being awkwardly hit on, but this was so bizarre it got the men to start the discussion: “what the fuck was that?”
About a minute later, he did it again! But this time, the men had gotten wise and he got lost much quicker. Funny how that works.
About 90 minutes after that, some gigantic 6’4” freak came up and tried to pull my friend’s hair. Just swung his humongous, baseball mitt hand right for her head. We caught him, and he goes: “I just really like her dress.”
Reader, let’s circle back. I don’t know where I stand on the man or the bear. (But doesn’t that say it?)
Isn’t it funny how sometimes, a TikTok or a tweet or some random internet post will frame something so perfectly that it makes you actually look at things differently? This question is a total reframe for me because of how many horrible stories came out of it explaining why.
And now I’ve had my own.
We’ve gotta be better.